For years I nagged the Universe with my why’ning. No doubt some of my more regularly served why’nes will resonate with you; “Why am I not good enough?” “Why did this happen?” ‘Why did it have to go that way?” “Why them?” “Why me?” “Why not?” “Why now?” “Why did I believe them?” “Why did they lie?” “Why won’t they listen?” “Why am I not smarter?”

When Why Meets How

One day the light came on and I understood the source of my ‘why’ning’. I wasn’t asking for help. I wasn’t taking a poll. I wasn’t pleading with the Divine to give me a sign. I wasn’t begging angels. I wasn’t looking for opinions. Why’ning was the only way my body, heart, brain, and spirit had to give voice to my pain. Why’ning was my spirit weeping to understand how on earth what I thought was a positive choice could slip and go sideways, leading to incomprehensible grief.

My life changed the day I discovered the universal HOW. It transformed as I made it my intent to improve my ability to make healthy choices, evaluating a possibility’s impact on my health, home, and purpose without getting emotional or mental. I learned to listen to my intuition, but realising it’s right about 50% of the time, I was smart enough to stop trusting it 100%. The best thing I learned how to do was to say “No, thank you.”

I wish I could say my decisions turn out the way I wanted, hoped, or dared to dream. They haven’t. What I have learned is how to remain in the present and remember, giving up expectations — setups for me and for others — and living in the present, being and doing my best, and anticipating reciprocity from others.

Art is how I surrender to joy. It’s how I give up needing to explain why I did what I did or do. Creating is how my hands express what I’m feeling. Painting is how my brain figures out if the dots are connected. Art is how I create space and make time for my spirit to dance. It’s how I celebrate Nature and being natural, no longer giving lip service to normal. Art is how I as an adult let my inner child play, embracing my authenticity while appreciating that I know full well that joy flows under the surface of every pain.