Nag, Nag, Nagging on Heaven’s Door

For years I nagged the Universe with my why’ning. No doubt some of my more regularly served why’nes will resonate with you; “Why am I not good enough?” “Why did this happen?” ‘Why did it have to go that way?” “Why them?” “Why me?” “Why not?” “Why now?” “Why did I believe them?” “Why did they lie?” “Why won’t they listen?” “Why am I not smarter?”

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When Why Meets How

One day the light came on and I understood the source of my ‘why’ning’. I wasn’t asking for help. I wasn’t taking a poll. I wasn’t pleading with the Divine to give me a sign. I wasn’t begging angels. I wasn’t looking for opinions. Why’ning was the only way my body, heart, brain, and spirit had to give voice to my pain. Why’ning was my spirit weeping to understand how on earth what I thought was a positive choice could slip and go sideways, leading to incomprehensible grief.

My life changed the day I discovered the universal HOW. It transformed as I made it my intent to improve my ability to make healthy choices, evaluating a possibility’s impact on my health, home, and purpose without getting emotional or mental. I learned to listen to my intuition, but realising it’s right about 50% of the time, I was smart enough to stop trusting it 100%. The best thing I learned how to do was to say “No, thank you.”

I wish I could say my decisions turn out the way I wanted, hoped, or dared to dream. They haven’t. What I have learned is how to remain in the present and remember, giving up expectations — setups for me and for others — and living in the present, being and doing my best, and anticipating reciprocity from others.

Art is how I surrender to joy. It’s how I give up needing to explain why I did what I did or do. Creating is how my hands express what I’m feeling. Painting is how my brain figures out if the dots are connected. Art is how I create space and make time for my spirit to dance. It’s how I celebrate Nature and being natural, no longer giving lip service to normal. Art is how I as an adult let my inner child play, embracing my authenticity while appreciating that I know full well that joy flows under the surface of every pain.

Age is an Attitude

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In 1997, weeks before my first book tour, my most trusted friend and spiritual advisor asked, “Okay, Lynnclaire, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

A shop window I saw in Reykjavik, Iceland, that led to thoughts about ‘have’s and have-nots’, truly living as opposed to being counted among some who feel they are living dead… July 2019

A shop window I saw in Reykjavik, Iceland, that led to thoughts about ‘have’s and have-nots’, truly living as opposed to being counted among some who feel they are living dead… July 2019

My immediate response was ‘Five.”

An attorney who mediates and leads a meditation group, his response was immediate. “Let’s try that again. What do you want to be when you grow up?”

“Five.”

Sighing, he laughed and said, “The only problem with that is the world’s expecting a grown-up. Let’s try one more time.”

Taking a long deep breath, my answer rode my exhale, “An Ambassador.”

He smiled and responded, “That works.”

The truth is my heart and soul are still ‘Five’ as the #1 ingredient flowing through my being is curiosity.

I’m utterly weary of the world’s childish behaviour, inhuman attitudes that continue to lead to hideous actions. My choice in 2020 is to focus my attention on helping restore a childlike sense of High Play, helping others discover the joy indigenous in our human experience.

While I know enough about foreign languages to be dangerous, what I have learned from two decades of living abroad it the power of the Universal languages, laughter, music, silence, sighs, order, beauty, and yes, tears. The amalgam they form is what keeps me safe and connected on life’s amazing journey through the labyrinth that flows from within through nature, scientific academia, and every realationship.